I'm in trouble with my husband for flushing sausages down the toilet. And also for giving him a cricked neck because I made him go to sleep with his arm round me. And probably for many other things that have given him cause for irritation, of which I'm still unaware. But he's gone back down to London now, to fraternise with his London friends (Ross Kemp and Janet Street-Porter, and possibly Barbara Windsor, too, because as everyone knows, that's who you meet if you go to any old pub in London - not sure why I've added Janet Street-Porter there, never seen her in the Queen Vic), leaving us to suffer 'The Great Storm' all alone. Actually, I don't think the storm is going to be all that 'great' up here in the East Midlands. According to the really thin local weather lady (clearly BBC regional funding has been cut to such an extent that local news teams cannot afford to eat), winds here will only be about 60 mph. Not quite sure  what that really means, though. Does 60 mph mean a strong enough wind to knock your socks off, or just ruffle your eyebrows a bit? I've decided not to cycle into uni, just in case. Oh, yes, because I've got to go back and try to lasoe (? spelling?) a few more undergrads to join our rather brilliant volunteering opportunity. (Only one turned up on Friday, bummer.). I shall be selling it, in a windswept and fascinating way, and loads of them will want to join the project. Even if they don't, at least they won't tell me off for flushing sausages down the loo or giving them cricked necks, which will be an improvement on the weekend ;)

Hello lovelies, how has your half term been? Ours is skidding to a halt. I'm in work tomorrow and the kids are making treasure boxes at the gallery for the morning. I say 'work', but I'm going to be hanging about in the gallery cafe hoping that some enlightened second year English students turn up to get involved in volunteering. They would be mad not to, because where else would they get the chance to develop and lead creative writing workshops for schoolchildren in an art gallery, hmmm?  It is seriously quality work experience I am offering them. However, remembering what a lump of ditziness I was as a twenty year old, I will be pleasantly surprised if anyone turns up. Last Friday we had a school workshop and four of our current student volunteeers said they'd be running it. Two were ill, one had to go to London and it looked like I would have to run the session alone, but lo, one student did make it, even though she had lectures all day and was missing lunch in order to take part - restored my faith, she did.
The rest of half term has been busy with London and Devon (eight hour drive for Sunday lunch, sounds crazy, but in the words of Ross Kemp in East Enders at some point in the 1990s, 'It's abaaaht fahmleee, innit?'), and then back here to spend a few days with werewolves. Did I say werewolves? Yes, I did, because the Twins and their irritatingly large amount of little friends are obsessed by the CBBC programme 'Wolfblood' and spend quite a lot of time howling and running about with leaves in their hair. So for the last couple of days I have been organising wolf sleepovers, cooking wolf sausage and mash and getting the troll (Son) to hide the cobweb cake in the woods. So I'm feeling a bit like a kind of feral dinner lady at the moment. It might be a bit hard to get back into project co-ordinator role in the morning. Do you think the prospective student volunteers would be put off if I howled at them and offered them gravy and overcooked veg before sending them off on a cake hunt with the troll?
Right, anyway, going to sort my hair out now, or I really will look like one of the pack in the morning.
Take care xxx

Ah, quite nice to feel normal and happy again. I think I'm in the calm centre of the swirling hormonal typhoon that is my life these days - give it a week and everything will be hurtling about in the opposite direction, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying being un-witchy.
So, the good news is that the cleaner isn't leaving to become a dinner lady (well, she is becoming a dinner lady, but says she can still do the cleaning, phew). Also, I'm almost keeping to my schedule for the book revisions (almost, because my main character has been doing some unexpected things, so I've been doing a bit more writing than I planned) and I'm finished with teaching on Monday mornings (double hurrah). I've got a creative writing workshop in the gallery tomorrow with a group of year 4s, which I'm really looking forward to, and then we're all off to London to see Hubby. So, it's all good, really. Oh, and I'm back down to being the weight I was twenty years ago. Yes, smack my bum and call me Slinky McVelvet! (no, don't actually do that, I'd probably clock you one).
Bad news? Well, Twin 2 did really badly on her recent maths assessments and the teacher said that it's not because of her ability in maths, it's because of her reading problems, which means she can't understand the maths questions correctly. Damn that Mr Gove and his pesky educational requirements, why can't he just leave my daughter alone...
But apart from that, it's all good. Got a heap of washing up to do, though. Hope all's well with you xxx

l'm sorry... what have l been doing for the last week and a half? Oh, I've been teaching and writing and project planning and l had a viral thing that made me feel pretty pants and l dyed my hair and erm that's it. What l haven't done is any exercise, and l should really be doing a spot of yoga at the very least but l can't be arsed. l know, not very Zen, soz.  Anyway, just taught my last ever Monday ESOL class, hurrah - no more stressy Monday mornings for me! Have to go and be Tooth Fairy now (the Tooth Fairy forgot to come last night because after she finished the ironing she had two ciders whilst watching Downton Abbey and thenggot sucked into something interesting on BBC Four about childbirth in the MiddIe Ages and fell into bed at midnight without a thought about the whole bloody tooth/pound coin swap thing...bad, bad Tooth Fairy!) x

strike

The teacher's strike today was spent very productively by the kids, hawking apples from our tree round in an old doll's pram to the neighbours (yes, it was my idea - indeed I picked the apples for them). They made £3.00, which they'll be spending on sweets. I've demanded a cut, given that I'm the brains behind the outfit - hoping for a dark chocolate Bounty, at the very least. Whilst they were out I caught up on lesson planning, so as not to find myself in the same predicament as yesterday.
What happened yesterday?
Well, I thought I was only teaching half a lesson as I would be introducing the class to my replacement, but I found out just as I was leaving the house that my replacement had a cold and would not be turning up. Ho hum, I thought, I can probably spin out a one hour lesson into a two hour-ish one, with a bit of new vocabulary bingo and some peer correction and a following wind. But then, oh horror, not only did I arrive at the classroom with just minutes to spare due to a traffic jam en route, I opened my teacher's bag, which I'd packed before our weekend in London - or so I thought - to discover it empty of all teaching material. A bit like a Mother Hubbard version of ESOL. So, I taught two hours, with nothing planned and then went straight on to teach again in the afternoon at another location (and for some reason that class was packed and my boss had to turn potential students away at the door because we ran out of seats, which was in itself a bit scary). And I didn't even have any lunch, because I was fasting.
So tomorrow won't be like that, not on your nelly.
Anyhow, better go and get a bit of shut eye.
Hope your week so far has been less stressful than mine! xxx