Help! I'm stuck in the silver-haired NIMBY ghetto with no way out!

Yep, I've taken the kids to Devon to see the parents.

I know, but I came prepared (or so I thought) by bringing my teeth-bleaching kit. Because in the evenings, if I have my bleaching mouthguard in, then I can't get sucked into late night 'discusssions' over a glass of red about wind farms/solar panels/the legality of the Iraq war, etc. Or so I thought. What I failed to factor in was that there would be a huge power cut shortly after we arrived, so in a bid to stay warm and keep the kids entertained, I took Dad up on his offer to take us with him on his trip to Mole Valley Farmers (first mistake: we should all have just stayed behind in the cold house with no TV). It's about a twenty minute drive. I asked Dad about his voluntary work, because he kept mentioning how very busy he was. That was my second mistake, because of course he's really busy campaigning against wind farms. However, I looked out of the window and pretended I already had my mouthguard in so as not to make any NIMBY accusations and get drawn into a pointless argument. Then, to fill the silence, he gestured out of the window at a solar farm in the distance and started to talk about the ruination of the Devon countryside. That's when I made mistake number three:
Him: Look at that! Ruining the Devon countryside, and there's fields more over there!
Me: We really can't talk about this because I think our opinions may differ on this one. Let's find something else to talk about.
Him: Well, you say opinion, but I say fact; it's a fact that...
Me: No, we really can't discuss this, because I don't want to fall out with you.
Him: Well, let's just see what your opinion is in ten years time when...
Me: We can't discuss this, Dad, really.
Him: But have you considered that...
Me: I mean it. If you carry on talking about this, I will go mental and we will fall out. We have to talk about something else.

Silence for a bit. Me fuming.

Him (in a voice that suggests I'm all hormonal and irrational): Well, I suppose I'd better be quiet until we get to the main road then.

I know. I know I should just have kept quiet and let him rant on about wind and solar power being a blot on the landscape. What to do? Wear a mouthguard during the day as well?

I'm having an early night tonight. And I'm off to visit my sister first thing tomorrow, before my father has a chance to start up any more interesting 'discussions', but in the meantime, if anyone reading this happens to be anywhere in the South Hams, please come and rescue me!

Hiya, I know, I've been a bit absent. I've been down in Ye Olde London Town with the family and the Undead Dog. We did the British Museum and the Maritime Museum (with the added bonus of seeing my favourite 'Horrible Histories' actor in the cafe - never has naval history been quite so exciting), as well as Camden market, where we all made a point of buying something, just so that if anyone asked us where we got that earring/handbag/pocket watch/hairslide we could say "Oh, this? I just picked it up in Camden market" (all apart from Hubby, who works nearby and wasn't quite as city-struck as the rest of us). Had a lovely lunch at a Japanese restaurant in Camden, too, which made me have fond nostalgic thoughts of Cafe U in Kathmandu. Also did  a pink zone/blue zone thing: girls and I did the museum of childhood whilst the boys did London Dungeon. And we also managed to fit in a shopping trip and a day trip to Weymouth to see the in-laws. So, it was busy, and now we're back home again (and skint). Tomorrow we're taking Undead Dog for his final visit to the vet. Today we had a roast chicken, so that Dog could have his last supper of chicken skin and gravy (his favourite). I have banned discussion of puppies called Richard Hammond and shall not be wearing mascara tomorrow...

Sorry, been a bit rubbish at keeping in touch. All you've missed is Twin 1's 'suspected appendicitis' - she had a whole day off school, but it turned out just to be a big poo. Am feeling a little dejected for various reasons, but I'm sure it's nothing that the imminent chocolate fest won't sort out - yesterday my sister came over and brought a kilo bag of mini eggs. Yes, I have just eaten the last one (oh, it wasn't that bad, the kids ate most of them, honest). I've been doing easter egg hunts in my English classes - to revise prepositions of place, you understand, not just because I can't whip up the energy to teach a new grammatical structure and would rather have a bit of fun. Hmmm, what other news? Finally fished out the old child-rearing bible and stopped shouting at Twin 1 today. She's now decided to write a journal for herself describing her behaviour issues and giving herself top tips on dealing with her anger. All her idea, and not mine. Phew. That book is just magic on paper, it really is - should really use some of the techniques on myself (and should really have used it on the hairy professor the other week, too, might have stopped me going into meltdown).... xxx

Hello you, how are things? It's all good here. Dog is still teetering on the brink, but managing to cling grimly on to life. Clearly his diet of Tesco Everyday Value horse mince suits his constitution (the vet thinks the bute might be adding value to his medication cocktail). Kids are madly excited about science dress up day on Friday. Last year it was all a bit last-minute, but I managed to get away with dressing the Twins in matching outfits and labelling them as genetic clones. Not sure I'll get away with it for a second year running, though, so have just ordered some tinsel from Amazon because the three of them have decided to go jointly as an atom (Twins as proton & neutron, Son as electron). Twin 2 was a bit sad that she couldn't go as Queen Elizabeth, but was persuaded by Son that she wasn't a scientific queen and also that protons could be pink, with red tinsel, so it's all good to go now. But what I want to know is why schools can't just do easy dress up days with things you actually have in the house? Why not a leggings-and-fleece dress up day? Why not? Oh well, we might be able to salvage some of the tinsel and keep it for Christmas, I suppose.
What else? I've started cycling to work. Well, cycling on one of the days, if it's not raining, and I feel like it. Oh, alright, I've done it once. And I might not do it tomorrow because apparently there's a fifty per cent chance of rain, and I've got to be at school for a meeting about Twin 2 in the afternoon, and I don't want to turn up wet, breathless, dishevelled, and late. So, actually, I suppose I should just say that I went for a cycle ride, last week. Still, it totally justified all those chocolate chip cookies at the weekend.
And, I'm finally getting paid a little bit for the voluntary work job, hurrah. Although it means I do have to turn up on time and be professional about it now - not that I wasn't before, you understand, but it does make me think I might have to be a bit more organised about it all.
We still see Hubby from time to time, most weekends, really - although he does turn up looking like sleep is an unaffordable luxury.
And talking of unaffordable luxuries - what am I going to do when my Protect & Perfect serum runs out. Since I've rid myself of evil Rumplestiltskin and his spinning-straw-into-gold job, I've realised that, well, I can't really justify the whole anti-ageing skincare thing. Any ideas? I've heard lard is good...(and Tesco does an Everyday Value horse version, I'm sure).

Hi, 'Sup? (I'm morphing into an American because I'm watching so many episodes of 'The Big Bang Theory').
Anyway, I'm fine. Which comes as quite a surprise, given my mini-meltdown last week. It turns out that my life is not falling apart and everything is pretty much as it should be, which is good. Phew. Apart from being less hormonal this week, I have also jettisoned one of my three micro-jobs. I would tell you more about 'Rumplestiltskin' and my 1am  decision to press send on the email handing in my notice. But it wouldn't do to get libellous, would it?
So, today, instead of attempting to spin straw into gold, I finished writing a chapter for my book, planned my lessons for tomorrow, went for a nice walk in the sunshine, didn't have to panic when I got a call from school to come in because Twin 2 was complaining about toothache, made a batch of cinnamon rolls and helped Twin 2 with her physio. Life is back to normal again, hurrah.
I'm not ruling out the possibility of another wierd oestrogen-induced blip in the not-too-distant future, but at least it won't be exacerbated by having to work for an evil fairy-tale character.
Hope you're not trapped in your own fairy tale (or if you are, it's not one that involves angry little bearded men).
Take care xxx
ps - did you know that, statistically six out of seven dwarfs aren't happy?

Turns out the 'day five dip' was postponed until day seven. Damn those pesky hormones - spent a not inconsiderable amount of the weekend sighing, crying and apologising to the kids (Hubby was away with work, conveniently for him). I also totally OD'd on St John's Wort in order to try to herbalise my way out of the hole it (looks like the year's supply of St John's Wort I just bought will barely last four months, at this rate) and ate my body weight in toffees and cinnamon rolls. I do feel normal again now, and there don't appear to be any side effects - will let you know if I suddenly develop a green tongue or purple wee or anything - other than massive weight gain.
Perhaps one of the reasons I'm feeling less depressed today is the weather: sunshine, flowers, happy faces - spring is in the air (the PTI at the gym said we will be having a heatwave next week, although when I asked for clarification he bellowed, "It'll be sixteen degrees!", which hardly counts as a heatwave in my book, but is admittedly about twenty degrees hotter than it's been recently).
And in the lovely, bright, lemony early spring sunshine today, I saw unequivocal evidence that I do in fact have nits, again. So I had to spend sixteen quid and the best part of the afternoon de-lousing myself and the Twins. I can think of better things to spend sixteen quid on (like another year's supply of St John's Wort and a supersized bag of toffees, for starters), but hey-ho, at least I'm vermin-free in time for my hairdresser's appointment on Wednesday with lovely M at the salon (she's the one with gorgeous black hair but a strange yellow complexion: wrong shade of foundation or chronic jaundice, not sure which). I'm hoping she will banish my greys and turn me into the gorgeous L'oreal advert I know I am, somewhere inside (on the days when I have no nits and am not crying my eyes out through a hormonal crisis).
Right then, washing up and downstairs bathroom now, can't wait...

I'm pretending the washing and the washing up don't exist. Or the upstairs bathroom (no, I still haven't done the downstairs one, either, and you can't make me!) because I'd rather talk to you. I ought to be being sociable tonight and going to book club, but I was expecting to have my 'day 5 dip' and be on the verge of tears for most of today, so I decided to make my excuses. However, as it happens, I'm perky as you fancy, so I could have gone after all, without fear of emotional outpourings. Ho hum, too late to get a babysitter now, and anyway, I'm already in my PJs, so I shall just have to drink wine and talk about books to myself until midnight (no change there, then).
News of the day: twins are learning a One Direction song in choir. I thought we might have avoided the whole One Direction palaver, but now it's being foisted on us by school. Thanks for that, Mrs W. Twin 2 has now decided she is their biggest fan and made me find their videos on youtube for her. Once I'd clicked 'play' she made me leave the room - she wanted to be alone with those boys with the silly haircuts.
And so it begins...