Friday 26 February 2010

Earthquake - yikes

Been outbid on Ariel mermaid wig, again, dagnabbit! Had my Tina Brown moment at restaurant today, and managed not to say anything insensitive (at least I don't think so - hard to tell as people are so diplomatic). In the end there were only seven of us, so it was quite nice - I might even do it again (although not in the same restaurant as there was a bug in my salad)...
Apparently there was an earthquake on the Tibet/Nepal border this morning, which is a little worrying, to say the least. My earthquake strategy involves buying lots of silk and cashmere and having lunches out and trying not to think about the whole disaster-of-biblical-proportions thing.
Tonight Twin 1 is having a sleepover with Jasmine, and is being replaced by 'old' Maya (as opposed to 'new' Maya - there are lots and lots of Mayas at the school; think it's the name of choice for parents who work in development), who is having a sleepover with Twin 2.
Son is not sleeping over with anyone, but he says he doesn't mind because all he wants to do is look at Google Earth on the computer. In fact I promised to hand over the laptop twenty minutes ago, so must go now xxx

Wednesday 24 February 2010

still no man

Still haven't had any more thoughts about male love interest. My friend M suggested I should base it on a french man who makes cheese out here, but I'm not sure if I want my protagonist snogging some cheesy-breathed Frenchy (apologies if you are reading this and are french - it's not an anti-french thing, so much as an anti-cheese-breath thing: 'As he pulled her towards him, she couldn't help but notice the strength in his arms, and she let herself be propelled towards him, towards his square jaw, piercing blue eyes...his lips were soft and his breath tasted of sour goats' cheese...' - you see, somehow it just doesn't work).
Have had a very unproductive day, bookwise. I left my notebook and favourite fountain pen at a puppy party after school yesterday, and I couldn't possibly do any writing without them, so I went to the gym, went to see friend G and had reflexology this morning instead (do you think that perhaps I am procrastinating just a tiny bit?). However, Hubby is away in Pokhara tonight so I may cast my male lead whilst he's away. I think it's perfectly acceptable to spend the evening dreaming up a bit of male totty whilst my husband is away on business - particularly as he will probably be spending the evening in the X-bar with Dangerous Dave...

Tuesday 23 February 2010

I am the Tina Brown of Kathmandu

oops! I have ended up organising a massive lunch for British School mums on Friday. I didn't really mean to, it was just meant to be me and one other, but then I went and got carried away with all the numbers listed in my mobile. Still, it will be interesting to chat to lots of people I actually barely know, and find out what they all do when they are not in the playground.
Perhaps I am about to morph into a massive networker a la Tina Brown and hold legendary parties and have the ear of media moguls and politicians? More likely - I will have an overpriced salad, say something insensitive because I just don't think before opening my mouth, and be late for the Friday afternoon family assembly. And the whole debacle will never be repeated (or maybe it will, but in secret, with nobody telling me about it until I find out at a later date from the hairdresser).
I'm still being very laid back about starting the next book, but I am slowly inching my way towards the plot. I'm finding the male love interest a tricky one. I thought of basing him on my own darling Hubby, but he was pretty grumpy this morning so I have temporarily scrubbed him off the list as template for male eye candy.
Anyway, I want to go to bed now as I'm feeling peckish and my new regime won't allow a mid-evening snackette of hot chocolate and flapjack. So I'm having a delicious and calorie-free cup of camomile tea and going to bed instead.
Why does dieting have to be so boring?

Monday 22 February 2010

half term

We went to Pokhara with V&H for the long half-term weekend. V&H assured us that they had no problem hanging out with us and that our pesky kids didn't bother them at all. I think they came to regret this by the end of the weekend. On the last day they went out on a rowing boat on the lake for the whole day, and I suspect this may have been as much to get away from us as their love of rowlocks, oars etc.
Anyway, we had a nice time, sitting in cafes, doing lots of colouring in and playing chess. Twin 2 managed to get headbutted by a cow as she lay asleep in a hammock, which she was fairly upset about. I can't say I blame her. I was butted by a cow last time we were there. The cows in Pokhara are vicious and nasty. Because they're sacred they are out of control, like teenage boys at the bus shelter, but with horns and udders.
The plane was delayed for ages coming back, but the kids didn't seem to mind the three hour wait at the airport, mainly because it was remarkably similar to the previous three mornings we'd spent hanging about in cafes on Lakeside.
Today I am at home with Son, who is irritatingly well. He had a bout of diarrhoea this morning so I said he could have the day off school. Has made me play chess and I beat him (hurrah - it's not as easy as it sounds to beat a seven-year-old), then he spent ages on Google earth. Last I saw he was waving a bit of paper around and making alien spaceship noises. He's getting no attention from me as I've had my own bit of Pokhara tummy to deal with and I'm feeling pretty useless. The silver lining is that it kicks off my new regime quite well (when we were in Pokhara I wore my capri trousers and Hubby mentioned casually that they are not as flattering as they used to be - this is code for "Good Lord, woman, your arse is becoming hummungus!" - so I have decided to try to do something about it before the bikini season kicks in. Also I have decided that I'd like to turn forty the same weight as I was when I turned twenty, which entails losing a few pounds: about four kilos, in fact. And I want to be able to touch my toes and get a book published and there are only a few short weeks left so I should really get a move on. I should be spending my days doing yoga whilst typing my new book, and not bidding for Ariel mermaid wigs on ebay, which is what I've been doing this morning).
Should really go and check on Son.
Take care xx

Tuesday 16 February 2010

The commander is coming for a shower

The Commander is coming round to our house to have a shower tomorrow.
It's all to do with trialling some low water volume shower heads that Hubby has ordered for for British Gurkhas Nepal. Apparently the shower head order has caused some controversy in the Headquarters building: some people think they're a good thing, others evidently think that saving water is a dreadful idea. Anyhow, in order to sort out the squabbling, Hubby has had one installed in our bathroom and the Commander is coming round to test its efficacy. I have a vision of me coming home with lots of tired, grubby kids, only to be presented with a Diet Coke break moment as the Commander slinks out of our bathroom with nothing on but a Dora the Explorer towel round him.
And I'll leave you with that thought...

Sunday 14 February 2010

Happy Valentine's!

I have decided that, generally speaking, I prefer other people's dogs to other people's children. Generally speaking, they are furrier and less intrusive, and cuter. However, I now realise that I should stop telling people this. I have confided this to a couple of other mums and the look of horror and outrage on their faces is a bit of a hint that the way I feel is not considered normal.
I try to be interested in other people's kids, really I do. Some of the older ones (above the age of two) are friendly and personable and not unattractive. But the younger ones can be a bit scary. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to clutch someone else's baby to my bosom. Perhaps it's kind of post-traumatic-baby-stress? Perhaps having the Twins has just depleted any scrap of maternal instinct I ever had. Don't get me wrong, I adore my own children, and actually I like their friends, too. It's just that dogs are cuter (and you can kick them outside when you've had enough of them - although, come to think of it, I do that with kids as well).
Yes, well, sorry, that was a bit random, wasn't it?
Apart from that, what's been going on?
The shopping trip in the rain was a great success.
The car has broken down again.
Twins had class assembly, and we were very pleased that Twin 2 managed not to have a wee on stage this time.
Nice friends V&H have come to stay. Kids are very excited to have guests and Twin 2 has already decided that V should be another one of her husbands (the list also includes a boy from her class, her big brother, and Winnie the Pooh - she's not bothered about the legality of polygamy). However, I suspect that V&H feel the same way about kids as I do, and are far more interested in Gary-the-Tibetan-mastiff. I can't say I blame them as he is far cuter, furrier and less irritating than my children will ever be.
Hubby is in Pokhara. He says it's because he has to do interviews there in the morning, but it also conveniently gets him out of having to do anything for Valentine's. Never mind - I am going shopping with H tomorrow and I shall spend the money he should have spent on a Valentine's dinner by taking H out to french restaurant, fabric shop, jewellery shop and pashmina shop. That's if I manage to get Twin 1 to go to school. She has been complaining that her bottom hurts, which is kind of unspecific and could mean anything from a bruised bum to a urine infection. I'm going to take her to the doctor, who will hopefully say she's fine to go to school. Otherwise she'll have to come shopping with us, which I'm sure she and her hurting bottom will be thrilled about, but I think H would prefer if Gary could come instead...

Tuesday 9 February 2010

rain rain go away!

Just a quick one because I'm being picked up in a minute to go shopping and out for lunch. Yes, I'm being a right old lazy posh woman at the moment. We (lots of us) had lunch with Gen & Lady Richards yesterday, and I'm out with the partners' club on Friday night, so life is a dizzying whirl of social engagements, such that I barely have time to think about the implications of Twin 1 having worms (yeuch! took her to see the doctor this morning and we are all getting dosed for it, as the likelihood is that we all have them too - double yeuch!) or the fact that Hubby nearly got embroiled in a drive-by mafia shooting on Sunday. I am far too busy doing nice things like searching the whole of Kathmandu for a Barbie with a pink mermaid tail and going out for Chinese meals.
It's raining here today, which is big news, because it almost never rains here at this time. It's like being back in the UK, although without the joys of Jeremy Kyle, Tescos and pavements. Oh, and a functioning government (although I guess some would argue that the UK government maybe isn't a functioning one at the moment, I can tell you that it's a darn sight better than the Nepali one - although my lawyer friend who's helping draft the new constitution is very optimistic, so I do try to think of her smiley Canadian optimism every time I read the newspaper).
Right, five minutes to find a rain coat and boots without holes in...
Take care xx

Friday 5 February 2010

friday night

What a disappointment. Lady Richard not wearing snazzy frock and no chizz and bizz to be seen. Lady Richard - Caroline, I can call her, now I've done the whole handshake thing - was wearing a tasteful beige suit, with a pashmina that was apparently a gift from some Taliban Warlord chap to her husband, or so she told me as she tried valiantly not to be outshone by Twin 2, who was being her usual pesky self (waving her pink-haired Barbie in people's faces, running around the flower beds and leaving samosa crumbs all over everyone). Twin 2 was off school because she had had a 'loose poo', which she seemed to think would be of interest to Lady Richards, and everyone else we spoke to. Nice that Gen Richard's wife knows that my daughter had a loose poo this morning, don't you think?
Anyway, should go. Hubby already in bed with the chocolate coated dried strawberries and a cup of cocoa.
As ever, I shall feel that little frisson of excitement as I slip into 'something more comfortable' (pajamas, fleece and woolly socks) and slide under the silken covers (of our winter weight duvet with the felt pen marks on it from the morning when I couldn't be bothered to be strict and let the Twins do colouring in our bed). Then we will watch another episode of the Tudors on DVD and feel ever-so-slightly uncomfortable when it gets to the sex scenes.
We know how to keep that spark alive!

Wednesday 3 February 2010

Lady Richard's snazzy chiz and bizz

I should be creating tasty and nutritious lunch boxes, but the truth is I can't be arsed. They can have cheese and crackers (again). Sometimes, being a good mother just takes a teensy bit too much effort. Anyway, what's wrong with cheese and crackers (or 'chiz and bizz' as my Dad always used to call it? He also used to call things 'snazzy' - probably still does - and that's a word you hardly ever hear any more, more's the pity. I think I might start a campaign to bring back all those old words out of retirement. When I have coffee with Lady Richards on Friday, I shall say, "Why, Lady Richards, that's a really snazzy frock you've got on. Fancy some chiz and bizz to go with your coffee?" Yes, we've got some more important people out here this week. Even more important than the last lot, and they were Very Important. Who is it, you ask? Only the chief of the blooming general staff! Oho, yes. And I'm having coffee with his missus. Well, not just me, me and about sixty other trailing spouses with nothing better to do on a Friday morning at ten. Actually I could have something better to do, but I'm not really allowed to - as I missed the last coffee with Lady Richards, because I was in the spa that morning, it would seem a bit rude not to turn up this time either. Anyway, can't possibly miss asking her where she purchased her snazzy frock or blouse. Yes, blouse is another one of those words, isn't it? Hmm, this has turned into quite a lengthy aside, and I can''t remember what I was going to tell you about in the first place...)
Right. Yes. What's been going on?
Son has been quite sensitive. He was in tears on the way home from school the other day. When I asked him why he said that two girls were being nasty to him. I delved further, thinking that maybe I'd have to investigate the school's anti-bullying policy. He said that they'd been chasing him and trying to pour 'love potion' on him, only it wasn't real love potion, just an old perfume bottle. I tried to explain that being chased after by two girls and a bottle of love potion isn't necessarily a bad thing, but he didn't seem convinced. It'll be a different story in ten years time...
Then, on Sunday, we watched 'Curse of the Were Rabbit' as our Sunday afternoon family film. That night, I had to sleep on the floor next to Son's bed, as he kept having nightmares about were rabbits.
I think he has inherited all the sensitivity in the family, as the Twins are as tough as old boots and never seem to get upset about anything (except who is wearing the Snow White dress).
Hubby is back off trek and into work with a vengeance. He's been coming home at lunch times and telling me various work/management issues. I nod sagely and offer pertinent feedback. I don't know why he tells me. The last time I worked in an office was in 1996, and then I was an underpaid gopher. What do I know about engineering management? I can't even manage the household staff as I get him to do all the scary telling-off type stuff. I can't even fire people properly. The first driver didn't know he'd been sacked until he turned up for work and there was another bloke there, and the second one didn't believe I'd actually sacked him and went running to Hubby who promptly gave him an extra weeks' salary to get him to go away (Hubby will say this is unfair, but I have shortened both stories for the sake of brevity). So the point is, I'm not really qualified to give Hubby any advice whatsoever, about anything remotely work-related.
Wonder if Lady Richards advises Gen Richards?
Him: I really don't know what to do about the military overspend?
Her: When I'm concerned about cash, I wait for the sales and bung it all on the credit card
Him: Well, that sounds like a topping idea. By the way, that's a jolly snazzy frock you're wearing darling.
Her: Thanks, I bought it in the sales, on the credit card
Him: And what about the Afghanistan issue?
Her: Hmmm, that's a bit more tricky. I always feel that military opps in Afghan are a bit like shopping in Ikea. I mean, once you go in, you know it will take yonks to find a way out again, and that you'll end up spending way more than you meant to. So, what I mean is, you should never go into Ikea thinking that you'll spend under a tenner and be out in five minutes.
Him: Good point, well made - I'll mention that to Gordon. Incidentally trendy slacks!
Her: Thank you darling. I got them to match my snazzy blouse.
Him: Well, all that chatting has made me hungry. Any chance of some chiz and bizz?