"Going to the toilet and being a princess"

This morning I struggled to consciousness with a bed full of kids (Twin 1 had a nightmare, so there was some nocturnal bed sharing, and then at quarter to six the other two piled in) I listened to a conversation between the twins and it proves, once and for all, that they may be genetically identical, but they come from different planets. Twin 1 announced importantly that her hobbies were reading and writing. She then asked Twin 2 what hers were, to which Twin 2 replied, "Going to the toilet and being a princess". I would have laughed, but it was far too early in the morning to even crack a smile.
Twin 2 was off school yet again today. She still claims to be seeing double, but I'm sending her back into school tomorrow regardless. Double vision or no, that girl needs an audience, and me, the dog and the rats simply aren't enough.
I tried to start my coursework again today. I'm working on a short story about a woman whose husband is due back from Afghanistan. It's not autobiographical at all, honest! Anyway, I didn't get very far as I kept getting interrupted by requests for water/apples/bananas/cheese/crisps and monologues explaining the minutiae of whatever programme happened to be on CBBC at the time. I now know that Dick and Dom are both funny, but one of them is funnier (I think it's the one who looks like Nicholas Sarkosy - hmmm, how do you spell his name? You know who I mean, the French president - and nice for him to know that when he gets booted out of office, a career beckons in British kids' TV...or maybe it's him already, and the reason he's making such a hash of his French premiership is that he's simply spending too much time making TV shows about burping and not enough time attending to his foreign policy. Wonder if Angela Merkel also moonlights on CBBC - perhaps she's the genius behind Hacker T Dog?).
I've decided to give up TV and Amazon shopping, which are draining far too much time and money respectively (after all, how many pairs of red pants and egg poachers does a woman need?). However, as I have also given up fat, sugar and processed food, my life is quite devoid of small pleasures right now. Luckily the TV ban doesn't apply to kids' TV as I think it's quite nice to sit and watch a bit of after-school telly with the little tackers. I think I might be spoiling it a bit for them though, as I insist on absolute silence when Horrible Histories comes on as it's my favourite, and really, really funny. No honestly, it is - watch it and I defy you not to laugh out loud.
Right, I should probably go and get some sensible sleep now.
Goodnight x