The good news is that I have already ordered a new handmade handbag (in green, natch); the bad news is that I have run out of Pimms and lemonade and am yet to get hold of gin. However, this should change tomorrow as myself and another couple of mums have decided to take the children out to lunch - at the cafe next to the duty-free shop. Hurrah. Only hope that twin 2 doesn't repeat her trick from when we went out to lunch yesterday, when she tried to eat a glass, and ended up with a mouthful of shards, cut tongue and blood everywhere. Luckily she is used to saying 'aah' from teeth cleaning and I managed to extract everything before she swallowed it, the numpty. Not sure how I managed to remain calm - actually don't think I did, but still, she survived to eat chips and drink chocolate milkshake and seems her usual squeaky self today.

Today was Hubby's first day at work so I was alone with the kids. I say alone, but I actually mean, me, the staff, their children and assorted handymen who kept turning up to do random jobs that I didn't know needed doing. Things seem to happen a bit by magic here. Someone turned up the other day to hang our pictures for us, for example. Wish I could magic someone up to potty train Twin 2 as well. I say 'potty train', but this is of course a euphemism for weeing everywhere except the potty. Anyway, I have only brought two months supply of nappies out with us, so we have no choice but to get on with it, even though I'm already, after only twelve short hours, fed up with saying, 'Can you please try to do it on the potty next time?' and 'Remember sweetie, lollipops for everyone if you do a wee on the potty!'. Don't think she gives a stuff as she and her sister are already half-feral, were running around in only their pants this afternoon, covered in grit and mango juice and demanding biscuits with menaces.

Must go now to de-fuzz and wash off streaky fake tan (don't believe those moisturisers that promise a hint of natural colour, they lie! my calves look like orange zebra, and with the background of my blue varicose veins, it's all a bit psychodelic, but not in a good way) so can take kids to pool tomorrow. All three of them. All non-swimmers. On my own. Just to make the lifeguard earn his salary for a change...