The Smacked Bottom by Major Bumsaw

Hello. Still suffering mild post traumatic stress attack from camping trip. It hasn't, in fact, put me off camping per se, but it has put me off being homeless with three kids. Next time there's a gap between Hubby's posting date and our quarter becoming available I'm going to think long and hard about whether I actually want to hang about with no fixed abode for weeks on end.
At the moment I'm still camping, but a little more luxuriously in the Village Hotel in Nottingham. I'm sharing a room with the kids - it's about the same size as the tent, but mercifully about ten degrees warmer. I have drawn the very short straw by getting to share the sofa bed with Twin 2, who has a cough and a runny nose, lucky me.
We're in one room at the moment, because we're paying the bill ourselves this week, and Hubby is somewhere else, learning about important operational things (don't ask, I don't know the details and secretly I'm not sure he does either). Incidentally, he's a major now. I've decided to rename him Bumsaw (Major Bumsaw - get it? Oh, say it out loud) not for any sordid or smutty reason, but just because it reminds me of a spoof book title I saw once: The Smacked Bottom by Major Bumsaw, which made me laugh (and still does). On Friday, when Bumsaw returns, the army will pick up the tab for the final three nights, and he and I shall move into the extravagant splendour of the interconnecting suite (exactly the same as this room, but without Twin 2 snoring and snuffling).
Talking of books (The Smacked Bottom by Major Bumsaw, specifically), it seems as if I'm going to be the last person in my whole family to get a book published. I still have not heard from the agents I contacted so I'm guessing that in this case no news is, well, bad news. However, my Dad has published a book about the history of farms in the South Hams and my Mum has published a history of their local village and my Uncle has published a book about archaelogical dowsing. Oh, yes, and of course Major Bumsaw published that one about the smacked bottom. Me? Diddly squat. Bummer.